It’s ok, in spite of the COVID confusion surrounding your wedding plans; in spite of venue changes and shredded guest lists, your wedding date arrives at last. Although the date was changed three times and most of the guests are watching it live-streamed, it has finally come, and you find yourself standing before your beloved with the wedding officiant.

In spite of the unprecedented uncertainty planned around this COVID wedding, you are certain you love your mate. The closest allies are with you, the champagne is chilling and the hors d’oeuvres are being prepared. The bartender and even the photographer are wearing masks. The officiant has the hand sanitizer, pens and paperwork ready on the signing table, the best man has the rings and at this point what could go wrong?

How about your vows? Oh, not that you forgot them, they are tucked away, maybe a little sweaty, but the ink is indelible, and you poured your heart into them and you are ok with the tears that might well up. What you don’t know is that the ceremony itself could go terribly wrong. The sacred words you speak and the promises the officiant asks you to make could all go to hell. The mysterious part is that nobody including you and your beloved will even notice that.

The words we speak hold tremendous power. People like to say, “actions speak louder than words”. Actions matter as much and the words that you speak set up the actions. The words you speak, the words spoken to you can make or break a relationship. The importance of the ceremony is not in the details your wedding planner so earnestly convinced you of. The bouquet with the blue ribbon that matches your lovers’ eyes doesn’t hold a light to the importance of the words being spoken by you, by your mate and by the wedding officiant you chose to perform your ceremony.

You asked for short and sweet because you didn’t want to bore your audience. You approved the template and saw your names were inserted correctly. You know the “I do’s” were all there and that horrible question of impediment. “If anyone knows of just cause why you should not be married…” Is that gloomy part really necessary? Well you have seen it in all the movies, so you guess so.  Thankfully you are thinking, there is just enough spirituality to keep your grandma happy and not so much that you need to worry about eyeball rolls from your agnostic friends. Whew, you think, let’s get this part over with fast so the party can begin.

Wait! Before you get the ceremony “over with” please know that this is actually the most important part. This is the part that lays the groundwork for the rest of your lives. Speaking your vows out loud reflect the principles most important to us. The words spoken now are not unlike the words in a magical spell. One misplaced unwanted word inserted … like “worse” or like “sickness” and bam, a powerful shift in your soul takes place and where commitment and dedication could be, you have unconscious fear now. It is no wonder why you wanted this part over with so quickly. Be certain the words in your wedding ceremony sets you up for success.

Couples always ask for “short and sweet” ceremonies and when they are over in a blur, they might not even remember the details of them. Unsuspecting couples may not even know that although the ceremony was short, it was in fact far from sweet.

If you really want to create a powerful shift in your souls then speak the words that are most important to you, then be sure they encourage commitment and dedication, not undermine them.

Every word no matter how insignificant you might think matters. Every “but,” “should” and “try” you utter matters. Your words choices and the words the officiant speaks to you truly need to be most carefully chosen. Make no mistake, the crafting of the ceremony words holds more importance than the crafting that went into the beers waiting in the cooler. If you want nothing more than to fast forward to the festivities and get past the ceremony. If you detect your guests are likely feeling the same way, it’s because of the words. We are not squirming because of just boredom here; we squirm at wedding ceremonies because something often feels foreboding. If you think it is because you have already been married twice before you are wrong. It is because the subconscious is listening and the words are all wrong. The words are dirty, and you don’t even know it.

Word choices shape your relationships, your marriages and your lives. It’s time to discover that so you really do live happily ever after, and I am here to partner with you in that discovery. Real life can be better than make believe and it starts with the spoken word.

To your now, and happily ever after,

Valerie Maltese,
Certified Questions Experience Practitioner
Certified Life Cycle Celebrant
Email: valerie@tqexperience.com

Refine yourself continually so you can become all you can be for yourself and for each other.